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Are Your Relationships Fulfilling?

There is more than one way to connect with others, and there is a variety of different relationships you can have with the people already in your life. Building any type of relationship can be as daunting and challenging as it is exciting. The real question is – are your relationships fulfilling?

A fulfilling connection offers safety, improves your sense of well-being, and decreases loneliness. There’s more to it than that, though, and those types of relationships don’t need to be romantic to offer you the benefits you’re looking for. Close friends often share their deepest emotions with each other and exchange feedback without judgment or criticism. That’s the beauty of truly fulfilling relationships.

It is a challenge to find those people and make those connections. Investing in relationships only to discover that there isn’t a solid foundation or the other person doesn’t value you in the same way you do them is utterly heartbreaking. It can be agonizing when that connection is broken and you go your separate ways, even if it’s the right call. However, when you recognize a shared bond with someone it can be a truly magical connection and it’s worth the risks.

Here are some of the indications that suggest you are, in fact, in a fulfilling relationship. You can compare these criteria to those close relationships you have and work hard on improving them where necessary.

• It’s Safe & Equal
  A relationship that is safe and equal, as well as intimate emotionally, means that you don’t need to constantly look after someone else. If you’re driven to always be the one pleasing someone else, constantly reacting and responding to their troubles, or always helping them manage emotions – then you’re probably the caretaker in the relationship, which means you feel safe in control. This isn’t an equal relationship because you aren’t risking any vulnerability. That doesn’t mean you don’t value the connection, it just means that it isn’t as fulfilling as it could or should be.
• It’s Honest
  If you lie to people, you are erecting a barrier between you. It might be time to ask yourself why you feel the need to lie because it’s hiding your true self. Perhaps it is because you’re afraid of judgment or that you are worried you will be rejected (or criticized). Lying risks the safety and intimacy in a relationship. It doesn’t mean, though, that you can offer opinions unsolicited or that you can pass judgment. Being honest isn’t about reacting with something that is hurtful just because you might feel hurt about something. It is all about expressing true emotions accurately and lovingly. It isn’t name calling, blaming, or trying to control someone.
• You Don’t Make Excuses
  You shouldn’t need to make excuses for how someone else behaves and if you do, then it’s not a relationship with true acceptable. If it’s a romantic partner and you constantly have to make excuses for how they behave or treat your friends then you’re not seeing that person clearly. While everyone has great characteristics, they also have their weaknesses. In accepting, you accept those flaws, but you don’t overlook them. Accepting their weaknesses doesn’t necessarily mean you’re endorsing them unless you make those excuses on their behalf.
• Availability
  Both parties need to be available, it’s what makes a relationship fulfilling. When they need you, you are there and vice versa. When you tell someone you will be there – you are, and vice versa. You are there for big life events and also give each other plenty of space to pursue your own goals and dreams. There’s no room for jealousy or possessiveness because your connection is solid and it’s built on trust.

There is nothing new about these ideas, but there is a lack of awareness of how fulfilling your relationships truly are. If you aren’t meeting, the standards above it may be time to reassess how you proceed with them. Being aware of the state of your relationships will help you prioritize them and maintain them.

– Scott Blessing

Are You Satisfied With Your Life Or Do You Long For More?

How satisfied do you feel with your life?

There’s a fairly good chance that your answer will depend on when you are asked. You may feel incredibly content at some points, but there are days where you feel so low you wish you could change everything.

You will probably find that your answer is content when you have been engaging in an activity that you enjoy or you have just enjoyed a delicious meal, a great time with friends, or something of a similar happiness boost. We tend to savor those types of feelings simply because we are unsettled and restless as a whole. We tend to long for something in life that perhaps we just can’t seem to grasp.

Satisfaction is simply being happy with your life. It doesn’t just exist in a moment, rather it encompasses your past, present, future, and when you look at the big picture.

Why is it that we struggle so much to feel satisfied with our present? There are a few things that can make a serious difference in your happiness and satisfaction levels. Perhaps these could help you improve your satisfaction levels with life.

Friendships

Having a few close friends can give your life satisfaction a 19% boost (100 Simple Secrets Of The Best Half Of Life, David Niven). Even better, if you have a good relationship with your neighbors it can increase your life satisfaction by 16% and beyond that, it can reduce your risk of loneliness by 25%!

Spirituality

While religion isn’t for everyone, many people report feeling deeper life satisfaction when they believe. It isn’t the belief or the religion that you belong to. What increases your happiness is the sense of community that provides. It also helps that these types of relationships are built on common values and a core purpose, which is a good foundation to get started on. Additionally, the magic number of friends for life satisfaction tends to be 10, which means religion is a good place to build your core friend group.

If religion isn’t for you then seek your spirituality elsewhere – whether it’s in a yoga class, a hiking group, or meeting weekly with a group of friends to enjoy the game.

Volunteering

It’s not all about what friends can provide you, though, giving can be equally as powerful. Consider getting involved with your community and volunteer. If you work with young people, you can expect to be four times more satisfied with your life than someone chasing money.

Your Life Story

You can increase your life satisfaction by recording your life story. It’s all about what types of stories you tell yourself about you and your life.

Having a firm grasp of your family history can also increase your life satisfaction. Kids who have heard the stories about their ancestors feel a greater sense of control over life and have higher levels of self-esteem.

Set Goals

People who set and strive to achieve their goals are almost 20% more satisfied in life than those who don’t. Additionally, being passionate about something improves your life satisfaction and in psychological adjustment.

You don’t need to set a goal to become the President, to become a millionaire, or to win a Grammy. Minor successes produce the same boost in life satisfaction than the major ones. So, set clear achievable goals for yourself and when you achieve one, set another.

Learning and growth don’t end when you graduate high school, college, or finally, get that promotion you’ve been wanting. It’s a continuous process and one you should continue to strive to maintain your life satisfaction. If you don’t feel satisfied with your life start asking what areas you feel are letting you down. If you’re longing for more – go out there and get it!

– Scott Blessing

There aren’t just behaviors that can help you empower yourself, there are also thoughts that will provide you with the empowerment that you seek.

• I’m not afraid but excited for what is to come
  Your belief should be greater than your fear.
• It’s up to me to create the life I want.
  While the circumstances of life can be cruel, it truly is up to us to shape ourselves and the lives we want to lead. It’s a never-ending process that will continue until the day you die.
• I am not afraid of failure, I can change the outcome
  If you try something new and it doesn’t work out you can still get the outcome you want. All you need to do is assess the situation, determine where you went wrong, and ensure you don’t repeat the same mistake when you repeat the process. The outcome is in your hands.
• I am happy to embrace a new challenge because I will find a way to overcome the obstacles
  Just because you experience a defeat doesn’t mean you have to sit down and feel defeated. You simply get up, dust yourself off, and go again. In fact, experiencing defeats are a necessary part of our growth as humans. It allows us to see who we are when everything is against us because it is how you react to it that shows your true character.
• There is strength in my vulnerabilities
  Vulnerable doesn’t mean weak, you can use your vulnerabilities to fuel your self-belief. In your own vulnerability, you will find empathy, authenticity, and accountability. What could be more empowering than that?
• I am not my past, I am my present
  … and, my future is all about who I might become. There is no magic time machine to take you back to the past to right your wrongs or correct your mistakes. Nor can you fast forward to see how the future works out. Your future you will be shaped by who you are in the present and the present you is where your focus should be.
• My words express me, my beliefs and my values
  Do you know what your core values are? Because it is those values and your beliefs that shape your actions, your words, and the habits that you make. In the end, they play a major role in helping you shape your destiny.
• I am on a learning journey that should never end
  If you’re not learning at least one new thing a day then you’re doing something wrong. Seek knowledge, no matter how much you know, how many degrees you have, or how clever you think you are. You should constantly look to better yourself by gaining new knowledge.
• I am not perfect, I may make mistakes, but I strive to be the best me I can be.
  Everyone is guilty of making mistakes. Everyone will struggle with their own issues and there isn’t a single person among us that don’t have regrets over past actions or words. However, you are not the sum of your mistakes, nor are you defined by the struggles you have experienced, or your past indiscretions.
• I dream big and continue reaching for what may seem impossible.
  You should feel free to dream impossible dreams, just make sure you create milestone goals and achievements to keep yourself motivated and empowered. If you only dream about the impossible, it will be frustrating work to get there.

Start practicing these thoughts daily and see how much change they create in you and your behaviors. Don’t be afraid to look yourself in the mirror when you do it or repeat them as you face an obstacle.

– Scott Blessing

You can change your life for the better, and it starts with one small step at a time. In case you did not know this, your life is much more in your control than you might think.
Here are 10, instant and easy to implement life-hacks that can improve your quality of life and make it go from “blah” to amazing:

Count Your Blessings
Studies show that the practice of gratitude increases your happiness levels. An age-old Jewish practice is to give thanks to God 100 times a day. Regardless of your religious or spiritual affiliations, this is sound advice. Giving thanks makes you more optimistic and more content, the experts tell us.

Breathe Fresh Air Daily
Going for a walk in nature has been found in studies to help people de-stress, feel calmer and more at peace. Try to get out there for at least 30 minutes, three times a week, and ideally go every single day.

Laugh
Laughter feels great and it’s good for your health too. It has been shown in studies to boost your immunity by increasing your T-cells, it helps you release stress, and tension and it gives you a wonderful ab workout.

Smile
Even fake smiling is enough to trick your brain into acting like you are feeling the real thing. When you put your mouth into the position of a smile, the muscles in your face send messages to your brain telling it to get making happiness hormones… The message here is, “Fake it and you will make it”!

Give
Experts have found that people who are giving are more content and experience a greater sense of connectedness to others, a sense of belonging, and more fulfillment. Ways to give could be anything from supporting a friend by listening, volunteering, or fundraising.

Connect
Connecting with others helps us feel less alone. As social animals, we are programmed to belong to a community. Isolation is the kiss of death for most of us humans. Get out and circulate! Use your passions as the avenue to get you connected others: If you love, being in nature join a hiking club or a nature photography group, for example.

Meditate
Studies have shown that the art of meditation increases the quality of life by improving your mood, decreasing blood pressure and helping you relax. It has also been shown to improve your sleep, combat stress and can even make you a kinder person (loving kindness or meta-meditation helps with this).

Get Creative
Pursuing a creative hobby allows you to get into the “zone” or the “flow as psychologist ‎Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi says. Flow is where all sense of time disappears and you become completely present. This is a state of alertness and focused attention, which allows you to feel a sense of enjoyment.

Eat Well
You are what you eat. Add more leafy green vegetables into your diet and your quality of life will magically improve. Your digestive processes will function better and you will receive more nutrients into your body.

Learn To Let Go
Life is short, too short to get stressed over the small stuff. When something gets you down, consider how important this will seem five years from now. Is it worth getting upset over? Exercise your “letting go” muscles on a daily basis. You will be glad you did when you find out that things just don’t ruffle your feathers anymore, as they once did.

Put the above life hacks into practice and you will be living on cloud 9.

– Scott Blessing

You have probably read a bunch of articles and blog posts about what you can do to empower others, whether it’s the people in your life, your children, or your employees. What about your own empowerment, though?

Self-empowerment is a key part of life if you want to be happy, fulfilled, and successful. In fact, personal power is the cornerstone of a successful and highly fulfilled life, when you take the reins and become a driver instead of a passenger in your own life, you can do anything!

The dictionary defines empowerment as,

“The process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one’s life and claiming one’s rights”

Empowerment gives you ultimate control over your own life, and to live life on your own terms is the ultimate satisfaction.

Learning
Keep learning, no matter the reason, subject, or goal. It helps you grow as a person, keeps you productive, allows you to contribute to conversations, and improves brain health. There are plenty of resources online that will allow you to educate yourself for free.

Accept Things You Cannot Change
Too many people try to control things they cannot change, which creates undue stress and frustration. Let those things go, and focus on what you can change, like yourself and your life.

Setting Goals And Taking Action
“Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.” – Tony Robbins

Setting goals makes you productive and keeps you striving to achieve all your dreams. Personal fulfillment always comes from within and reaching your full potential and it all begins with setting goals.

But, achieving any and all goals requires action, “One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want is that we never direct our focus; we never concentrate our power. Most people dabble their way through life, never deciding to master anything in particular.” – Tony Robbins.

Achievement of those goals fuels self-esteem boosts confidence, and brings ultimate satisfaction and happiness!

Awareness
When you know who you are, why you do the things you do and how you impact yourself and the people around you, you can make changes as needed and lead a much more fulfilling and emotionally healthy life.

Positivity
Being positive and having a positive attitude unlocks roadblocks and blasts any and all obstacles that life or others may throw at you. The ability to find the silver lining in every cloud is an empowering feeling.

Repeat Positive Affirmations
Having affirmations up your sleeve can help readjust your mindset, empower your thoughts, and therefore change behaviors, especially those that are self-defeating.

Love yourself
You can’t see your self-worth unless you’ve learned to love yourself as you are. It’s then you will find yourself able to love others.

Own Your Flaws
When you recognize your flaws, you can work on them, and this is how you grow.
Not one of us is perfect and part of moving forward is understanding that and owning those flaws.

Positive self-talk
Stop putting yourself down, and instead lift yourself up with positive self-talk. Congratulate yourself on your success, let yourself know that you are great and remind yourself often of your own value.

Learn To Say No
You don’t have to commit to absolutely everything just because someone has asked you to. It’s up to you to know your limits, set boundaries, and enforce them. Saying no doesn’t mean you’re a bad person and it doesn’t mean the world is going to end. It just means you an empowered person who has the confidence to say no to something that they don’t have time for.

– Scott Blessing